"Ode to a Couch"

This poor couch should have been retired long ago, but somehow it ended up in our apartment shortly after we were married. Of course, we were very thankful to have a couch, but after watching a couple of movies on it, that thankful spirit started to rub off. Pretty soon we pretty much detested the "Pineapple couch," and were just thankful to have something to sit on! The back was ripped up, the seat had lost its support, and someone somewhere along the line had stuck a long board under the cushions to hold them up. The back sagged, leaving you with very little support. I usually would have a headache after sitting in it for an hour or two to watch a movie because it forced you into such a weird posture! Well, Jordan suggested that for our birthdays this year, we buy a new couch! I was all over that idea, so we shopped around and purchased a new couch on Monday! It was delivered today, and the "Pineapple Couch" was hauled away to couch heaven (aka the dump)! This whole event has gotten me so excited that I composed a little ode about it. I didn't stick to the proper form the entire way through, but I did my best! ;)

O beauteous couch, thou shadow of former being

Thou from whose harsh presence my muscles dead

Are driven like ghosts from an enchanter fleeing,

Faded background studded with pineapples red,

So mean, the sense faints picturing them!

Your aging hues and odors homely and plain;

Horrid couch, which art moving anon; hear, O hear!

Thy ripped backside shall no more annoy

Nor thy sagging back torture employ.

For I was a wearied body for you to bear;

And my companions longed for a reprieve;

But lounged upon thine uneven cushions, to share

The hardness of thy board beneath, and be

Tortured by thy sagging back, O Merciless!

But thou hast been removed from here for free.

The comrade of thy wanderings to couch heaven

Will be the hard board that thy seat did need.

Scarce seem'd a vision—I would ne'er have striven

To sell thee in thy deplorable condition.

O! lift me as a wave, a leaf, a cloud!

I lay on a softer cushion indeed!

For we now have been surprised and endowed

By one unlike thee – soft, and clean, and proud.

I was thy maid, even as my sister was:

We did dress thee in beauty not thine own –

Tamed tumult into subtle harmonies.

Now we have taken a more lovely tone!

Sweet, without sadness,

Our adieu without tears.

Ingrained memory! unforgettable one!

Perhaps there is one on this universe

Whose thoughts remember thee from thy birth;

And, by the incantation of this verse,

Revived, as from an unextinguish’d hearth

Ashes and sparks, his remembrances to mankind!

Be through my lips to unawaken'd earth

The trumpet of a prophecy!

Poor couch,

If the truck comes, can the dump be far behind?